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When You Prepare For A Wedding

 
A MAN and a WOMAN in a shoe store, a SHOE SALESMAN behind the counter, a pair of shoes on the counter.
 
 
 
Excellent choice of shoes for a wedding, sir.

That will be three hundred pounds.

 
 
Three. Hundred. Quid? But they are identical to those, over there! And those are two hundred. And they look identical!
 
 
They are most certainly not the same, sir.

These, over there,(Points into the store)are regular shoes, and these, (Holds up the pair on the counter)are wedding shoes.

 
 
Don't be so cheap, honey. This is going to be the happiest day of our life!
 
The shoe salesman reaches under the counter, gets out a plastified sheet of paper and hands it to the woman
 
 
 
May I interest you in our wedding services?

We offer a shoe polish service where someone comes by your house to polish your shoes on your happy day, for hundred and fifty pounds.

 
 
(Bewildered)Hundred and fifty q—(Looks at his wife)Honey, I can—
 
 
(Pointing at an item on te menu)And what is this?
 
 
(Peeks)Oh, that's the Shoehorner Special.

We help you into your shoes. On your wedding day!
For just one hundred pounds.(Proudly)This service won a Best Shoehorner Award last year!

 
 
But I can—
 
 
We tie your laces in the very special wedding style, sir.

This service does require you also purchase additional wedding shoelaces.(Points on the sheet of paper)Here. Wedding shoelaces. One hundred pounds.

 
 
(Reading from the list)Velvet lining ... three hundred pounds ...
 
 
We tie the laces in very special wedding knots that bring good luck.
 
 
Don't you want good luck, darling?
 
 
Good luck for the shop, clearly!
 
 
And oh, honey! They have a wedding foot massage and heel balm. We'll be on our feet all day! Don't you want that?
 
 
Let me guess; for a mere—
 
 
(Continues reading from the list)—In-heel sound system for a wedding march...
 
 
This is ridiculous! We hired a —
 
 
—eight hundred pounds ... disco lights ... six hundred pounds ... and oh! Bouncy soles! Seven hundred pounds. (To the salesman)Does that go well with the five-thousand-pound diamond-crusted soles?
 
 
(Getting angrier and angrier)Five th—
 
 
(Pleased)It most certainly does, madam!
 
 
This is insane! No!
 
 
(Bursts out crying)Why won't you buy the stupid wedding shoes?

Don't you want our wedding to be a special day?(Punches him in the arm)You're such a cheapskate!

 
She takes off a ring and tosses it through the store.
 
 
 
(Yelling)The wedding is off!(Leaves, weeping)
 
 
(Surprised)The wedding is off?
 
 
In that case, sir,(Picks up the pair of shoes from the counter)may we offer you these dating shoes?

They are a mere 250 pounds.

Unless you want the speed-dating laces, for... (Reaches under the counter)

THE END

Text and art Ayal Pinkus

Written in the context of the “Blue Sketch” online comedy sketch course by Chris Head.

With feedback from Chris Head, Sarah Johnson, Antony Quinn, Paul Woof, Ramesh Patel.