When The Royals Move Into Crypto
KING HENRY looks around him. Astonished.
Huge racks of servers, cables going criss-cross.
KING HENRY:What on heaven...
A young PRINCE JOHN emerges from the tangle of cables.
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:Dad! To what do I owe this visit!
KING HENRY:We... do you know your electricity bill is equivalent to that of an average size nation?
I wanted to make sure all is dandy.
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:That's fiat, dad.
We're mining crypto. They started a new blockchain, and created RoyalCoin! That's us! Royalty!
KING HENRY:But where are all your belongings? Your heirlooms? The Elizabethan silver? The thirteenth century Chinese plates? The--
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:Not to worry, dad! I turned them into En Ef Tees.
JOHN takes out his phone and shows the screen to HENRY
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:See? Here!
KING HENRY: (puzzled)En Ef Tee?
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:Non-Fungible Tokens, dad! It is the new internet! Web three!
KING HENRY:Non-FUNGIBLE?
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:It's... um... Like a fungible token, but not fungible. Satoshi Nakamoto! Defi!
KING HENRY:Defi?
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:Decentralized Finance, dad! It's the future of money!
KING HENRY:And so all your belongings--
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:Yes, dad! Sold it all, turned the fiat into crypto!
Stablecoin dad, it's all safe.
Be your own bank, dad.(cheering)To the moon!
KING HENRY:Where's the staff?
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:They didn't want to be paid in crypto.
Have fun staying poor!(laughs)
JOHN is distracted, points to screens with graphs. The lines are going up.
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:See? Number go up! Bee Tee Cee and Ee Tee Ache To the moon! Luna! Terra! Lambo! Do Kwon, Binance, I trust you!
The lines instantly crash to zero on the screen. JOHN and HENRY notice.
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:Hodl! Hodl! Diamond hands!
KING HENRY:What...?
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:Hodl! It is getting rekt! Diamond hands!
KING HENRY:But... is it now all gone?
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:YOLO!
KING HENRY:Yolo?
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:You only live once, dad! Dee Why Oh Ar.
KING HENRY:Dee Why Oh Ar?
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:Do your own research!
KING HENRY:And is it all gone now?
JOHN is distracted by the screen.
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:I don't have time to orangepill you.
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:Buy my alt coin, noobs! We're not a memecoin! The whales are buying! Buy the dip! Buy the dip! Pump is near! We're not the bag holders! Copium! This is not a rug pull! Hopium! To the moon! El Salvador!
KING HENRY silently summons people who are outside the room.
YOUNG PRINCE JOHN:There is no kill switch! This blockchain will not be forked! Smart contracts! Code is law! Dogecoin! Lambo! Lunatics! Stonks are for losers! Elon Musk! It's not a ponzi! Buy my apes!
Two strong MALE BEARDED NURSES walk softly to JOHN
They carry a straightjacket.