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When The Royals Move Into Crypto

 
KING HENRY looks around him. Astonished.

Huge racks of servers, cables going criss-cross.

 
 
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What in heaven...
 
A young PRINCE JOHN emerges from the tangle of cables.
 
 
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Father! To what do I owe this visit!
 
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We... do you know your electricity bill is equivalent to that of an average size nation?

I wanted to make sure all is dandy.

 
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That's just fiat, father.

The energy thing will be solved soon. We're moving from proof of work to proof of stake.

 
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What?
 
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I'm building generational wealth, father. Few understand.

We're mining crypto. They started a new blockchain, and created RoyalCoin! That's us! Royalty!

 
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But where are all your belongings? Your heirlooms? The Elizabethan silver? The thirteenth century Chinese plates? The—
 
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Not to worry, father! I turned them into En Ef Tees.
 
JOHN takes out his phone and shows the screen to HENRY
 
 
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See? Here!
 
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(puzzled)En Ef Tee?
 
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Non-Fungible Tokens, father! It is the new internet! Web three!
 
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Non-FUNGIBLE?
 
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It's... um... Like a fungible token, but not fungible. Satoshi Nakamoto! Defi!
 
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Defi?
 
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Decentralized Finance, father! It's the future of money!
 
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And so all your belongings—
 
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Yes, father! Sold it all, turned the fiat into crypto!

Stablecoin father, it's all safe.

Be your own bank, father.(cheering)To the moon!

 
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Where's the staff?
 
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They didn't want to be paid in crypto.

Have fun staying poor!(laughs)

 
JOHN is distracted, points to screens with graphs. The lines are going up.
 
 
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See? Number go up! Bee Tee Cee and Ee Tee Ache To the moon! Luna! Terra! Lambo! Do Kwon, Binance, I trust you!
 
The lines instantly crash to zero on the screen. JOHN and HENRY notice.
 
 
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Hodl! Hodl! Diamond hands!
 
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What...?
 
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Hodl! It is getting rekt! Diamond hands!
 
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But... is it now all gone?
 
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This is good for RoyalCoin.

YOLO!

 
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Yolo?
 
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You only live once, father! Dee Why Oh Ar.
 
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Dee Why Oh Ar?
 
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Do your own research!
 
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And is it all gone now?
 
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No! Ha ha! One RoyalCoin is one RoyalCoin.

Don't worry, father, regulation is coming. Know your customer! (distracted by the screen)But I don't have time to orangepill you now.

 
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Buy my alt coin, noobs! We're not a memecoin! The whales are buying! Buy the dip! Buy the dip! Pump is near! We're not the bag holders! Copium! This is not a rug pull! Hopium! To the moon! El Salvador!
 
KING HENRY silently summons people who are outside the room.
 
 
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There is no kill switch! This blockchain will not be forked! Smart contracts! Code is law! Dogecoin! Lambo! Lunatics! Stonks are for losers! Elon Musk! It's not a ponzi! Buy my apes!
 
Two strong BEARDED MALE NURSES walk softly to JOHN

They carry a straightjacket.

 

THE END

Text and art Ayal Pinkus