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When Fast Food Still Surprises
A fast-food place at night.

A MAN and a WOMAN stand in front of the counter. A line of customers behind them.

A CASHIER returns with the tray.

Here you go. Enjoy.(addressing the people behind them)Can I help you?
The woman picks up the tray and starts to walk away.
The man looks at the tray in disbelief. The food is nothing like the photos above the counter.

A flimsy leaf of lettuce and a slice of tomato, a drop of mayonaise.

A toast with a slice of ham folded in three with one bit of corn. One thin fry. Drinks are in tiny espresso paper cups.

I'm sorry, but this doesn't look like our order.
Honey, please, do we have to do this every time?

Please, I'm hungry.

But this is—
Honey, come, let's take a seat.

There's a spot over there.

Is something wrong?
The man grabs the tray from the woman , shows it to the cashier
Look! Here. This is a slice of bread with ham, and I ordered a Triple Angus burger Mexican style deluxe.(points at photo above cashier)Look, there, see? Like on that photo there.
(looking at tray)That is the burger, sir.
But look!(pointing above her)At that photo! There!
Must you make a fuss each time we go into a restaurant? Honey, come, I'm hungry. There's a free table over there.
(at cashier)Look!(holds up the fry)Would you call this a large fries?
That's a large fries, sir.
Now that last spot is taken! I wanted to sit.
(at woman)But honey. Look! You ordered the Gary's Salad Special extra large!(derisively holds the leaf of lettuce before her eyes)Look!
Yes, my delicious salad. Let's eat.
Do you call that large?
Yes? It's clear you never cook! That, my dear, is what a large leaf of lettuce looks like.(sighs, sulks)And now I'll have to eat my lovely salad standing...
The woman takes the lettuce, drops it in her mouth and clearly enjoys chewing on it and swallowing it.

A satisfied grin on her face.

Now that is what I call fast food.
(addressing the people behind them)Can I help you?
The CUSTOMER behind them is looking at the photos, undecided what to order, not noticing the man and woman.
Hurry up, could you finish your burger? We need to catch the night bus.
The woman pushes the man aside so the other customer behind them can order.

The other customer approaches the counter.

I'd like a Quadruple Entrecote burger French style deluxe, Bearnaise sauce, and a ...


Text and art Ayal Pinkus

Written in the context of the “Blue Sketch” online comedy sketch course by Chris Head.

With feedback from Chris Head, Sarah Johnson, Antony Quinn, Paul Woof, Ramesh Patel.