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A 6-page comic script by Ayal Pinkus.

Revision Fri Nov 10 17:22:32 CET 2017.
Read the comic.

A honeymoon ends in a bittersweet way.

This script is released under the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International Public License , which means artists are allowed to modify and use this script without having to pay a fee.


This is a short story with one central theme: with the relentless pursuit of efficiency and our technological advances, maybe we are losing a bit of romance in our lives. I show this by having the two main characters experience bliss during a short but romantic holiday, on a holodeck that creates an idyllic scene. The environment disappears unceremoniously however when their credits run dry, and they find themselves back in their futuristic dystopian and deadly efficient world.

There are two spaces, the 'interior' and the 'exterior'.

INTERIOR: A bedroom in a large country home, a bed&breakfast in the summer. It is daytime, morning, and the sun shines in, lighting everything up in beautiful warm red and yellow. A lot of wood and glass, natural materials, organic and round shapes. This should be a stunning holiday location that should instill the audience with a little bit of envy. Nice and cuddly and cozy, homely, private.
EXTERIOR: The harsh cold claustrophobic environment of the interior a futuristic landscape. Cool, blue colors. Artificial light. Everything is designed for relentless efficiency: people live in small cabins, wear overalls and are transported by automated carts along monorails. Everything tight and sterile. This should be a cold, claustrophobic and harsh environment the audience would rather not find itself in. This exterior environment is different from the interior environment in every way: it is vast, the characters get lost in it, impersonal, cool and cold, a public place.

The story starts in the 'interior' and ends in the 'exterior', thusly zooming out both literally and metaphorically as this short reveals the world the characters live in. All is not as idyllic as it seems at first.

One of my goals for this story was to provide me with some panels to practice perspective drawing on. So half plays in a hotel room in a bed&breakfast, the other half in a vast city scape.


DIANA: A young woman, 20s, natural, real.
ALAN: A young man, 20s, also natural, real.


PANEL ONE (Holo_010_010)

Shot of an open window. Air is flowing in, warm, fresh and dry. The smell of grass and earth comes through lightly on the breeze.

PANEL TWO (Holo_010_020)

A bedroom in a large country home. Summer. Daytime. The bed is unmade, badly rumpled. Diana lies diagonally across the bed, half dressed in a robe that is not quite fastened, looking as if she had been flung there from a great height.

PANEL THREE (Holo_010_020)

Diana is staring up at the ceiling, and appears as though she is listening to a melody running through her head. She's humming.


PANEL ONE (Holo_020_010)

A bathroom adjoins the bedroom. The door is open. Alan stands in the doorway. He just showered, he is still dripping, a towel wrapped around his waist.

1. DIANA: So what was it like to clean yourself the old-fashioned way?

2. ALAN: Quite invigorating, actually!

PANEL TWO (Holo_020_020)

Alan is scratching his head about something. He is pointing at something behind him in the bathroom. He looks puzzled.

3. DIANA: Diana, honey, do you know what that thing is for?

PANEL THREE (Holo_020_030)

Diana stands in the bathroom looking at a regular twentieth-century toilet.

4. DIANA: No idea, Alan.

5. ALAN (FROM BEHIND THE DOOR, OFF-PANEL): Maybe it's for cleaning your feet or something.

PANEL FOUR (Holo_010_040)

Diana is playfully chasing Alan, he is running from her, laughing.

6. Or maybe it's a stupid-husband-suckupinator.

PANEL FIVE (Holo_020_050)

Diana glances out the window.

7. DIANA: Have you looked outside yet?


PANEL ONE (Holo_030_010)

The beautiful view you would hope to see through a window of a Southern-French Bed&Breakfast.

PANEL TWO (Holo_030_020)

Alan is standing behind Diana and he is holding her as they are taking in the beautiful scenery just outside the window.

1. DIANA: Don't you wish we could stay here for ever?

PANEL THREE (Holo_030_030)

Birds flying through the air.

PANEL FOUR (Holo_030_030)

A river meanders through a Beautiful landscape. Hills, trees, grass, all a light-yellowy green with a touch of red brown.


PANEL ONE (Holo_040_010)

A flower pot on a wooden deck. A rabbit in the grass.

PANEL TWO (Holo_040_020)

Diana looks up, smiling, as she lets the sunshine caress her face.

PANEL THREE (Holo_040_030)

Trees. Grass. Air. Nature. Green.

PANEL FOUR (Holo_040_040)

We see Diana and Alan from the outside looking in as they stand at the window and admire the beautifully hilly grassy landscape filled with daisies and chickens and little lambs in front of them. We see from this angle that it is all fake. Just out of view for them we can see the entire scene is enclosed in some box made of metallic tiles.

1. It was beautiful back then, wasn't it?


PANEL ONE (Holo_050_010)

Alan is still embracing Diana as they look up and away from the window, disturbed.

1. HOLODECK COMPUTER: ... your credits are depleted ... please leave the premises at once ... refusal to do so will ...

PANEL TWO (Holo_050_020)

They are looking down, saddened.

PANEL THREE (Holo_050_030)

They are getting dressed: they just stand there wide-legged and wide-armed as an exo-skeleton wraps itself around their bodies. She's already wearing hers and he's in the midst of letting his exo fold onto his body.

PANEL FOUR (Holo_050_040)

Suddenly -- the roomrecedes around Alan and Diana and makes place for a wall made of metal tiles. They are in a holodeck.

PANEL FIVE (Holo_050_050)

The bed&breakfast completely gone, they find themselves standing in a room with walls made from metal tiles. They are looking around, disoriented.


PANEL ONE (Holo_020_030)

A door slides open a little.

PANEL TWO (Holo_020_060)

Diana and Alan are walking, heading for the opened door.

PANEL THREE (Holo_020_080)

Outside. Diana and Alan come through a door, a bit disoriented as they arrive in a large city scape. The characters leave the premises where they had rented a holodeck for a short holomoon (honeymoon on a holodeck), as if they are Adam and Eve, evicted from the garden of Eden, arriving in a cold structured efficient world. To the left and right of them in front are people, two masses squeezing them. It should contrast strongly with the location they just were in on the holodeck: the bed and breakfast in South France, alone and intimte the two of them. Now they find themselves in a crowd in a futuristic world, regular patterns, clothing that looks like prison wear.

PANEL FOUR (Holo_020_085)

They are walking on a road that is held up in the air by tall poles. They are walking among lots of other people in similar exoskeleton suits. Huge office skyscraper buildings rise up from below to the left and right of them. A cold, impersonal city scape.

PANEL FIVE (Holo_020_100)

A large city scape behind Diana and Alan, a cold and deadly efficient environment. They don't look too happy that their honeymoon is over.